


Voices

by JiminWreckedSugaBias



Series: Maknae Line Hurt/Comfort Fics [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix-centric, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Protective Chan, Protective Changbin, Protective Im Jaebum | JB, Protective Jackson, Protective Jisung, Protective Yugyeom, Self-Esteem Issues, why does Ao3 not let me add original tags on mobile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 08:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JiminWreckedSugaBias/pseuds/JiminWreckedSugaBias
Summary: Felix has always doubted his place since he was eliminated, but he's always been able to distract himself and reassure himself he belonged.Until the voices get louder than ever and he finds himself in the bathroom more than once letting the voices take over...That is until he's reminded how much his members care.





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy! So this kinda fic doesn't actually exist to my knowledge, so I figured
> 
> "Fuck it, I'll do it myself."
> 
> Hope you like it!

Felix was supposed to be happy where he was. 

 

He was in a group, like he wanted, he had great hyungs and great dongsaengs, they had amazing fans, and their group hadn't flopped like they all initially feared. 

 

He had every reason to be happy so… why wasn't he?

 

He had been feeling down, anxious, and almost just downright depressed for about a month now, but he couldn't figure out how to bring it up to anyone. 

 

Sure the whole group was close, and the whole group was supportive when it came to mental health stuff (they found out about Jeongin's anxiety the hard way, and ever since they've all been good with checking in with him and making sure he took his meds), but for some reason he just couldn't find the motivation or courage to bring it up. 

 

He just… didn't wanna bother them. 

 

So he wasn't surprised when he found himself, for the third time that week, hiding out in the bathroom of their dorm at three in the morning trying to stop the horrible thoughts running through his head. 

 

_ They don't care. _

 

_ You're going to get kicked out.  _

 

_ Again.  _

 

_ They kicked you out before, why wouldn't they again. _

 

“Leave me alone… please…” 

 

_ You know it's true. _

 

_ Why not lose some weight? It might help you keep your already tiny role in the group. _

 

Fuck.

 

Why did that sound like a good idea.

 

He hated that it sounded like a good idea, he knew it wasn't, but down the rabbit hole he goes. 

 

He took a shaky breath before getting up and going to the scale in the corner of the bathroom, letting out the breath as he stepped on it, closing his eyes until he heard the light beep. 

 

119

 

Fuck. He was already in the light side, but the voice in his head disagreed. 

 

_ Are you serious? That's so much, what have you been eating? _

 

In reality; the answer was fruit, protein shakes, and the occasional random meal that Woojin dragged him by the ear to the table to eat because he noticed that his usual diet consisted of fruit and protein shakes. 

 

So when thoughts of going on several different diets crossed his mind; from the IU diet he sees online all the time, a liquid diet, or asking Lisa from BlackPink what her secret was, only one problem was consistent across the board.

 

His oldest hyung. 

 

Woojin was so observant, it was scary sometimes. Whenever Jeongin so much as stubbed his toe on the side of the couch, the oldest would notice even if he had only seen him after it happened. 

 

So doing any diet more restricting than what he was already would be hell to hide. 

 

Maybe he could go to the gym with Yugyeom, the older idol had been asking he and Jeongin for a while. He might just have to take him up on it. 

 

He stepped off the scale and sat down against the tub before getting out his phone. He contemplated asking Yugyeom now, and figured he might as well before he got some common sense. 

 

**AussieLix:** hey hyung, could I join you at the gym next time you go? Stray has the next week free.

 

**Gyeomie:** sure, but what are you doing up so late? Even if you have the week off, you still need sleep

 

He hadn't been expecting such a fast reply, so he decided to play off that to try and avoid the question. 

 

**AussieLix:** and what about you? You're up too.

 

**Gyeomie:** Bam and I are at the 24 hour gym down the road, taking a break. Now you. 

 

Felix cursed, but mentally slapped himself for even humoring the idea of that working. 

 

**AussieLix:** can't sleep, mind won't be quiet.

 

**Gyeomie:** do you wanna talk?

 

Felix considered it, but decided against it. 

 

**AussieLix:** just idol struggles, nothing talk worthy

 

**Gyeomie:** struggles?

 

He cursed at his slip up, and typed out another reply. 

 

**AussieLix:** I mean just stuff that keeps idols up at night every once in a while

 

**AussieLix:** my Korean isn't that great

 

**Gyeomie:** your Korean is fine, that's why I'm worried

 

**Gyoemie:** wait why did you ask if you could join me at the gym next time?

 

Shit.

 

**AussieLix:** because you've been asking me and Jeongin for a while now

 

**Gyeomie:** no I mean why now? Why at 3am tonight out of the blue when I haven't brought it up in a week?

 

Fuck.

 

He didn't know what to type, and his silence must have been too long because the next message he got made him feel like all the air got punched from his lungs. 

 

**Gyeomie:** are you trying to lose weight?

 

Think fast, think fast…

 

Wait…

 

**AussieLix:** is there something wrong with wanting to get in shape? Build muscles?

 

**Gyeomie:** nothing wrong with that. But you asked to join me at the gym and said you weren’t able to sleep bc of idol struggles less than five minutes apart.

 

Fuck. 

 

**AussieLix:** just… fine. Yeah. Only a little bit, but mostly to get muscle. 

 

**Gyeomie:** let's talk about this at a reasonable hour. We're about to leave for the dorm, I'll message you when I wake up. Get some sleep, Lix.

 

**AussieLix:** okay hyung. Goodnight.

 

He locked his phone, not bothering checking the message after it. He decided he needed to do this on his own. 

 

Maybe he and Jeongin could go themsel--

 

“Felix? Are you in there, hyung?” 

 

It was Jeongin.

 

“Uh yeah.” He pocketed his phone and stood up, opening the door. “Sorry Jeonginnie.” 

 

“Are you okay hyung?” The maknae asked worriedly. Felix raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You look… I don't know, stressed? Are you sick?” 

 

“I'm fine, I'm gonna go to sleep.” He said, leaving before Jeongin could ask anymore questions. 

 

He couldn't believe he was so stupid when messaging Yugyeom. He should have thought it out more, but he got so… desperate. The only thing he could think about as he drifted off to sleep was that he needed to be more careful. 

 

\--

 

_ “Felix.”  _ The voice was light and gently, and so familiar, but Felix couldn’t place it. It was so far away. 

 

_“Hey, wake up kid.”_ There it was again. Wait, wake up?

 

Right, he was asleep. Was that… Woojin hyung? He should probably listen, but his eyelids felt so heavy.

 

_ “Felix, come on. You’ve been asleep for too long, it’s three in the afternoon.”  _

 

What.

 

Felix groaned as he felt himself become more aware of his surroundings; he could feel the lack of warmth which he vaguely realised was from the lack of his blanket, he could two dips in his bed near his feet which meant it wasn’t just himself and Woojin in the room, and he could hear someone talking on the phone somewhere across the room. 

 

“Felix hyung, are you awake?” That was Jeongin. He sounded worried, and he didn’t sound as far away as Woojin did a moment ago. He mustered up all his energy and opened his eyes part way, groaning from the effort. 

 

He was greeted by the sight of a very concerned Woojin, an equally concerned Jeongin, and a slightly worried Jisung. He looked over at the voice across the room and saw that it was Chan. 

 

“Oh thank god.” Jisung said, visibly relaxing as Felix began to regain more of his awareness. 

 

“Felix, I’m on the phone with manager.” Felix turned back to Chan in confusion when he spoke, not knowing where this was going. “Do you think you need a hospital?”

 

Felix was surprised to say the least. A hospital? Why would he need that?

 

His confusion must have been obvious because Jisung shifted awkwardly and took a deep breath, preparing to explain. 

 

“Felix, we’ve been trying to wake you up since noon.” The revelation felt like a pile of bricks hitting him in the chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

 

“W-What?” His throat felt dry, but he was sure it would be fine after he had water. 

 

Their leader looks stressed and went back to talking on the phone for a few seconds before hanging up. 

 

“I have permission to get Jackson or JB hyung to drive us to the hospital if we need them to, they aren’t far and they can drive.” He said as he sat on the ground next to Felix’s bed.

 

“What time did you go to bed?” Jisung asked him suddenly. Felix didn’t want to answer and he didn’t feel like he had the energy to, so he stayed silent. But Jeongin felt a bit talkative. 

 

“I woke up needing the restroom last night and he was in there.” He said, hesitating a bit. Woojin looked at the maknae in surprise. 

 

“You’re leaving out the time. What time was it, Jeongin?” The boy hesitated a few seconds more before answering. 

 

“Three in the morning.” He said. Felix sighed and closed his eyes when all the eyes in the room turned towards him. 

 

“I just couldn’t sleep.” He said in a defeated voice. “There was too much on my mind.”

 

“So why were you in the bathroom if there was just too much on your mind?” Jisung asked. Felix shrugged. 

 

“I dunno, I just needed to be somewhere that wasn’t the bedroom.” He told them. It wasn’t necessarily a lie.

 

“So why were you asleep for that long? You usually wake up around eleven when we don’t have schedules.” Jisung asked again. Felix stayed silent, not knowing what to say. 

 

What was he supposed to say? That he had been awake til at least three in the morning for the past few nights and the lack of sleep was just probably catching up with him?

 

Not an option. 

 

“Well we have permission to get Jackson or JB hyungs to get him to the hospital if it’s necessary-”

 

“It won’t be!”

 

“-so we should just keep an eye on him.” 

 

Felix groaned and closed his eyes. He had planned on going to the gym or something, but after Woojin’s little speech, it looked as though he would be under his watchful eye all day long. 

 

And if they had to contact one of Got7, it surely meant that Yugyeom would know that he isn’t well, and then it would get back to his own hyungs, specifically Woojin, that he had asked him last night about the gym and said something about losing weight. 

 

And then it would be the end of his little plan. 

 

There’s no way he could sneak out, it would just get him into more tro-

 

“Felix!”

 

His attention snapped to his right and he saw Woojin looking at him with concerned eyes, panic very obvious on his face. 

 

“Sorry what?” He asked sheepishly. Woojin didn’t reply to him, but looked back to Chan.

 

“Call Jackson or JB.” He said, and Felix groaned. 

 

“I don’t need the hospital.” He all but whined. He didn’t want to deal with going there, them doing a bunch of tests, and then saying that it was just because he wasn’t sleeping properly. 

 

The leader was conflicted. He wanted to call because he was concerned and also because Woojin was telling him to. But on the other hand, Felix looked ready to beg and give up anything to get out of it. 

 

But… the thought of Felix willing to do anything to avoid the hospital is what made him press call on Jackson’s contact and walk out of the room to make the call. 

 

Felix could only wait now, as it was inevitable that one or both of the older boys would arrive. 

 

…

 

He was wrong. 

 

It wasn’t one or both. 

 

It was three. 

 

Jackson and JB… and Yugyeom. 

 

All three of which looked very concerned, but Yugyeom looked like he was feeling guilty. If any of the boys noticed, they didn’t say anything. 

 

“What’s going on? Channie only told us that Felix might need a hospital and to come over.” Jackson said. Felix stayed quiet, not feeling like explaining anything. He knew that Woojin would interrupt him anyways, making everything seem worse than it was. 

 

“He was asleep for so long, and when we tried to wake him up at noon, he didn’t wake.” Woojin explained. Jackson looked a bit concerned, but Felix interrupted.

 

“I was tired, I couldn’t sleep until after three.” Instead of relieving the older idol’s concern, he seemed to have tripled it. 

 

“How long have you had a hard time sleeping?” He asked. 

 

Fuck. Felix hadn’t been ready for that question.

 

“Uh…” He was stalling mostly, but he also couldn’t remember. 

 

Jackson sighed and ran a hand over his face. But before he could speak, Yugyeom did. 

 

“How much did you eat yesterday.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement that demanded him to answer. 

 

Felix flinched, and he was sure it was noticeable to the others in the room.

 

“Lix?” Woojin asked, using the nickname he always did when the younger was upset. 

 

“Woojinnie hyung dragged me to lunch and I had a protein bar before dance practice.” He said quietly, hoping that no one heard. But judging by the gasps from Jeongin, JB, Jackson, and Woojin?

 

Everyone heard. 

 

Everything was silent until there was a sigh. Felix looked toward it and felt guilty when he saw the look on Yugyeom’s face. 

 

“I knew it.” Felix’s blood ran cold when he said that. Confused looks went through the room, and Woojin looked pissed. 

 

“Knew what, Yugyeom?”

 

“He messaged me last night. Three in the morning.” He gave Felix a pointed look, to which the younger averted his eyes. “Asked to join me next time I went to the gym.”

 

Jeongin raised an eyebrow. “But hyung, you’ve been asking us for months.”

 

The older maknae shook his head. “I haven’t messaged either of you about it for weeks because you never had time and I haven’t thought about it. Then I got his message out of the blue, and when I asked him what he was doing up at that hour, he said he couldn’t sleep because of, and I quote, Idol Struggles.”

 

Felix closed his eyes and willed his tears to stop. He couldn’t cry, not now. 

 

“Lix…” Woojin sounded like he just learned he was dying. “Are you trying to lose weight?”

 

Felix didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He knew that if he spoke, he would only speak the truth. He could never lie to Woojin. 

 

“He said he was just trying to get some muscle at first, when I asked him.” Yugyeom spoke again, and he really wished the older would stop talking. “Then he said that he was just trying to lose a little bit.”

 

Felix looked up when he felt his hand be taken into someone else’s. Woojin was crying. Over him. 

 

“Felix, listen to me. You don’t need to lose weight. Hell, you need to gain it. But you need to talk to us when you start feeling like this.”

 

Jeongin gasped and all the attention was on him. “Hyung, you’ve been feeling like this for a couple weeks, haven’t you?”

 

“What do you mean Jeonginie?” Jisung asked. 

 

“Felix hyung has been out of bed at that time for a while now, and I’ve found him in the bathroom a couple times, I just assumed he was going to the bathroom. I’ve usually caught him leaving the bathroom or coming back into the bedroom.”

 

Felix didn’t give a response. He couldn’t lie, there was no way to, and he didn’t have anything he could actually say. 

 

“How long has it been since he had two meals in one day.” Felix flinched at Jackson’s question. Everyone seemed to be thinking, and the longer they though the paler his members seemed to get. 

 

“Oh god…” Jisung whispered. 

 

“About a month.” Bangchan said with a tight voice. Jeongin whimpered and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. 

 

Felix didn’t argue. It had been true. Unless Woojin dragged him to a meal with the group, he didn’t really eat more than what was handed to him or the protein shake he drank in the morning. 

 

Jackson sighed and sat down on the chair by the door. 

 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do.” His voice left no room for argument. “We aren’t going to the hospital.”

 

Felix felt a bit of hope. 

 

“Yet.”

 

And now it’s gone. 

 

“You guys are on break right now, so what I want you to do is make sure he eats two meals a day at the least and he has protein shakes in between.” Felix could feel his stomach churn at the older’s words. He didn’t  _ want _ two meals a day. 

 

“How much does he weight?” It was Yugyeom, and no one knew the answer. After a few seconds of confused looks, Yugyeom looked directly at Felix, then so did everyone else. 

 

“You weighed yourself at least once last night.” He said knowingly. Felix sighed and nodded. 

 

“Lix, how much?” Woojin asked, almost afraid of the answer. So he told them. And he ignored the gasps. He felt upset when Jisung walked out of the room, but he ignored it, and ignored the tight pressure in his chest that came with it. 

 

“Keep track of his weight,” Jackson said, “If it gets to 110, let us know and we’ll go to the hospital then.”

 

Felix felt so bad. He didn’t mean for them to find out, but… maybe it was better this way? He didn’t want to go through with what his thoughts were telling him to do anyways. 

 

“Thank you…” He mumbled when Han walked back in the room. Everyone looked confused. 

 

“Of course, Felix. We’re always going to be here for you, but… what are you thanking us for, exactly?” Woojin asked. 

 

“I never... “ He sighed as he thought about how to put it. “I didn’t want to go through with it, I really didn’t. But… the voices were just too loud, I couldn’t ignore them.”

 

Jisung walked over to him and handed him a bottle of water and a protein bar. He accepted them with a thank you and took a sip of the water immediately after being helped into a sitting position by Han and Woojin. 

 

“Felix, we’re always going to be here for you.” Woojin stated again. “If those voices start to get loud again, let us know. We’ll help silence them.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As a disclaimer kinda thing, I'm not that into Got7 so if I got anything wrong, I'm super sorry! I know them the most out of JYP's groups in general and that are actually old enough to drive, that I know has members that can drive, and that I know members of each group interact with each other. 
> 
> Honestly, I only really know Day6, Got7, and Stray Kids from JYP.


End file.
